birthday

I can still remember the first moment I saw my son from the PICU window after his emergency Caesarian. There were complications at his birth and I almost bled out. When I finally was able to get myself out of bed to walk down the hall to meet him for the first time I said, “there you are” as if I instantly remembered him at that exact moment and knew immediately that we were destined to be together. Over the years, we shared so many happy birthday moments. I always tried to make each birthday special for him, to let him know just how very much he was loved. Now what we try to do each year is continue making him feel special by doing something he enjoyed while he was here to honor him. Usually this involves golfing or fishing or eating at his favorite restaurants, and saying cheers with a drink for him. It’s not the same though, to have to carry on without him here physically. Oh, how I wish we could spend another birthday together! What I have learned though is that the depth of our pain is equal to the depth of our love. So the more it hurts, the more we loved. And you know what? I am OK with that. I am willing to go through the pain of remembering his birthday to honor him because he deserves that and my love for him was, is and always will be the most special love a mother and son can share. I will always celebrate him on his birthday and I know he will be extra close celebrating with me. Happy Birthday today to my beautiful blue eyed boy!

PS…. My daughter is out on a fishing boat this morning, to honor her brother on his birthday. Guess what name the mate has? It’s “JAKE”!!!!